Ahhh, the good old "before" and "after" shot, brought to you by an up and coming company that is sweeping the nation - BOOTY POP PANTIES.  All I have to say is WTF!!??  As an aficionado of hind parts, I have to say, that this product is a waste of time and money for all of you seeking posterior enhancement.  For some reason, the experts think this garbage has promise.

They think booty-pop panties are a hit!!!  I beg to differ.  Since Dave Chappelle is no longer making hilarious sketches, I'm going to step up and say exactly what he would about the panel of experts depicted above.  There is not a single black male on the panel!!! We've been liking booty since the dawn of day, and I'm sure we would have a good opinion on the efficacy of such a product.  I'd take Warren Buffet's advice about investing, but I wouldn't ask him about booty.  Just like I wouldn't put my 401k in the hands of Sir Mix-A-Lot.

I have an idea... how about you do some squats and lunges?  The only thing these underwear are good for, is cushioning your backside from a fall.  Yes, the model's after picture looks better than the before one, but is she really going to walk around with her back arched and her hips pushed back all day (that can't be comfortable)?  Go ahead and put your booty pops in the same box with your Shamwow and your Ped Egg.

Who are the founders kidding when they speak about the target demographic?  This is targeted at women without butts, who like men, who like more full butts (YOU DO THE MATH ON THAT ONE... I'm not spelling it out any clearer than that).   Just listen to today's rap music.  There are more songs about butts than there are about rims, bling, and money put together.  What do most rappers look like?  Hmmmm.

The term Badonkadonk (or Badunkadunk) was coined in 2001 by Keith Murray in his return to the mic on FATTY GIRL.  No, it was not Spoonie Luv from above, nor Dave Chappelle who coined the term (though that's when most of you heard it).  Of course I found out this week that Steve Jobs is an aficionado of booty as well.  When attempting to type badunkadunk on my IPhone, I got halfway through (B-A-D-U-N-K) and my IPhone auto-filled badunkadunk for me.  My name is DJ 2degrees, and I'm a Mac.  In honor of Steve Jobs and Keith Murray, I hope you enjoy listening to the Ode2booty mix.

Watch out brothas... the Great American Long-Back has a new trick up her sleeve.

A good friend of mine told me that this year, her usual recap of the previous year would extend back to view the significance of the past decade.  It made me think about the last 10 years I spent on this earth, the tremendous growth I've gone through, and the many memorable moments (many of which have been shared on this blog).  Just 10 years ago, I was a 21-year-old, 208 lbs, 6.5% body-fat, pass catching machine, preparing to play in the Rose Bowl against Wisconsin.  Fast forward to 2009 and I'm pushing 220 lbs, of which a bit more than 6.5% is of a gelatinous nature (I know somebody who likes it, though).

Where did the time go and where did the pounds come from?  Let's see if we can figure this out with a recap of the last decade.

1999 - Preparing to play in the Rose Bowl... Played with two horribly sprained ankles, and bursitis in my elbow...

2000 - One of my proudest years, as my family celebrates my graduation in June.  Finish my final football season ranked #2 in Pac-10 history in receptions (I will be the only one to get this correct when it is the Aflac trivia question).

2001 - Wrist surgery... Signed a free agent contract with the San Diego Chargers... Cut by San Diego Chargers after catching a game-deciding touchdown in my first NFL game and clearly outperforming the receiver that they kept (I'm not bitter or anything)... Spent my time as a part-time appliance salesman at Best Buy (I know all the newest dishwasher technology)... Re-signed by San Diego Chargers (somebody came to their senses).

2002 - Allocated to NFL Europe by San Diego Chargers... Live in Barcelona for three months... Tear my ACL in the ninth game after leading the league in TD receptions (here's where I should have quit football)... Spend a year in physical therapy in Birmingham, AL.

2003 - Move to D.C. to see about a girl (check Good Will Hunting)... No NFL teams call... Head to South Carolina to play some Arena II football, and find out that the team meals are at Waffle House... Drive back to D.C. and make myself at home... Back to working at Best Buy, but this time, I'm actually running a department.

2004 - Quit job at Best Buy... Drive back to California (ALONE)... Signed by Scottish Claymores of NFL Europe... Despite earning a starting spot, cut by Scottish Claymores (Yes, you read that right; cue Jay-Z's - Politics As Usual)... Signed to B.C. Lions of CFL... Decide that Canadian Football is for Canadians and retire from football (humor me here; I use the word retire as if it was a hard decision for me.  $30,000 CDN is not worth the trouble)... Begin working in Stanford Athletic Department and moonlighting as a personal trainer.

2005 - Baptized... Ankle surgery... Walk into Borders and stumble across GMAT book... Realize that $25K isn't going to cut it in the Bay Area and apply to business school... Fool Stanford admissions for the second time, and I'm admitted to Stanford GSB... Begin to amass tons of student loan debt.

2006 - I learn that every company (especially a certain home improvement shop with an orange sign) is a mess on the inside... Purchase my first pair of turntables and DJ 2DEGREES is born.

2007 - Touchy Feely changes my life... Graduate from the GSB and enter the world of finance.

2008 - Exit finance to work at Stanford... Turn 30 years-old... My god-daughter Mikayla is born!!!!!

2009 - Knee surgery... Blog begins... Utterly miserable from January - October and contemplating leaving San Francisco... Fourth quarter comeback doesn't lead to a victory for 2009, but the game is no loner lopsided, and I have a lot to look forward to in 2010.

2010 - ???

So what does 2010 have in store for me?  Last year's motto "NEW $HIT" didn't really work out.  So this year I'll draw inspiration from music. Which of these should be the motto for 2010?

2010 - I Can (Very Obamaesque)

2010 - On To The Next One (works even if 2010 sucks)

2010 - The Winner (I deserve to win in 2010)

2010 - Imma Be (I control my destiny)

As usual, I can't end without hitting y'all with some music.  So here's the 2010 DJ 2DEGREES OUTLOOK MIX.

It's been six months since I went under the knife and I'm happy to say that I'm fully functional.  I saw the doctor last week and I've been approved for lateral movement and jumping (which I had done a little of already).  This means I'm headed back to the hardwood to get my game back and hopefully dunk again.  I've played a little hoops to test out the knee already and I haven't done well at all.  It's actually been downright pathetic.  I have resembled a guy that might have gotten garbage time on the JV team... as a junior in high school.  Truth is, I've never played junior varsity in any sport and have only played three years on any team where I wasn't a starter (my year in the NFL, reshirt frosh, and redshirt soph years at Stanford).  It's kinda sad that I have been reduced to only getting picked up when nine other guys can't seem to make five on four work.

So what has become of me?  I've become that guy that actually goes to the gym by himself to work on his game.  When asked if I'd like to round out that five on five roster, I've been that dude that says "naw... I'm just gonna stay over here and shoot jumpers over this imaginary defender."  After shooting an uncontested 30% from the field and crossing over invisible defender after invisible defender only to miss a wide open layup I begin to think that the junior high DeRonnie could school the 31 year-old version.

The good news is that I'm still able to at least touch the rim (WOO HOO).  I could grab it with two hands in the ninth grade (womp womp).  I guess junior high DP would get the nod today.  Those who know me well, know that I am not a quitter.  I am not a sore loser either, but you best believe that after you beat me in something I will go and practice it every day and challenge you again and again, until I win... and then I won't ever lose to you again.

I'm also not an idiot, so if I don't think I can beat you in the first place, I'll just say my knee hurts.

So while 2009 is still here, everyone should line up and challenge me athletically.  It will give me something to work hard for as I expect to take my training into overdrive in 2010.  A great philosopher once said, "It's ok to lose to your opponent... Must not lose to fear."

Actually that was Mr. Miyagi in Karate Kid III after Mike Barnes repeatedly beat Daniel Larusso's ass in during the All-Valley Karate Tournament.  Hopefully I won't have to go through all of that, but you get the point.

Music has always helped me to get over the fear and nerves that come with athletic competition.  You better believe that if you messed up in a game you were gonna get talked about in school the next day (I know this all too well from my 10+ turnover performance in my junior high hoops debut).  The music would help to relieve the angst of possible ridicule, and get me in a zone of concentration.  During my senior season in high school we would be huddled around a boom box listening to 2Pac's From The Cradle 2 The Grave and Str8 Ballin' (which I failed to realized was about selling drugs and not really playing basketball).  Before we won the state championship in hoops, I listened to Only God Can Judge Me Now by 2Pac on repeat.  Before our upset of #5 ranked Texas in 2000 we broke the locker room silence with Drag-On and Juvenile's Down Bottom.  I also remember my first NFL pre-season game and how at least 15 guys were blaring Lil Jon's Bia Bia through their headphones. So to get me amped up and ready for the competition, I decided to put together a mix that I would probably listen to before a game.  Lots of cursing.  Lots of Lil Jon.  Enthusiasm goes a long way in sports.

GET CRUNK MIX

With the big flu pandemic, everyone is protecting themselves from getting sick.  Flu shots, hand sanitizing stations, even riding public transit with surgical masks (I swear I saw this last week).  Of course I continue on with my regular life because I seem to NEVER get sick.  When I do feel under the weather I can usually trace it to not getting enough rest or being seated next to a cougher on a cross-country flight.  Well after a half week of about 5 hrs/night, a cross country trip, board meeting on Saturday morning followed by a tailgate party and Stanford Football game, I woke up with a sore throat on Sunday.  :-(

For some reason watching NFL football isn't the same without the ability to swallow effortlessly.  Strangely enough, my home remedy of having a beer or two.... or five :-/  ... didn't seem to deaden the pain, but I did finally get some sleep.

Sitting at home sick gives you a lot of time to think.  As I sat there motionless for a couple of days I thought, "do you really think you can dunk a basketball again?"  I just sat and watched the guys who I entered the NFL with be sent to the bench for younger, faster, more energetic players and I'm having trouble walking to the refrigerator without something in my body hurting.  Hmmmm....

So I figured let's start with baby steps.  I need about a 36 inch leap to dunk a basketball, and the last time I dunked a basketball I weighed 195 lbs.  I weighed 220 last week (I could never dunk with a 25 lbs weight strapped to my back) so I think I need to drop a few.  Projecting 195 lbs into the air is a lot easier.  So I'm taking a page out of my worthless fantasy football running back Lendale White's book and laying off of the sauce.

Lendale lost 30 lbs by giving up tequila!!!

So I've decided to cut down on the drinking while I continue my training.  I need to get under 200 lbs by 2010 if I'm ever gonna get above the rim.  I could keep getting sick (Wii Fit says I've dropped down from 220 since the sore throat) but that's a cop out.

Since I've been deliquent in updating the blog, I'm adding two mixes (one from my last trip on the wagon and one about being sick).  Enjoy!

Enferma Mix

Sobriety Mix

Sorry to keep everyone waiting (humor me if nobody was actually waiting).  I've been tied up with a number of things, one of which (travel) keeps me off of the ones and twos.  Not only is it hard to keep up the theme of the blog without a mix handy, I just haven't had many interesting things happen over the past couple of weeks.  I try to keep you amused with all of the funny things that happen in my life and with the progress of my quest to once again dunk a basketball.  Truth is, I haven't made strides toward dunking (let alone jumping) and I really have had a lull in excitement.

But since I have everyone's attention I'd like to point your attention to a little spot in San Francisco called Gussie's.  Big ups to Urbandaddy.com for putting me up on this spot.  This past Saturday I took a field trip down to Fillmore to hit up the Safeway for a fresh can of Sportin' Waves (Go ahead and click the link if you don't know what it is... I had to go to the black neighborhood to get some hair products).  I figured I'd try Gussie's since it was right around the corner and it had been a long time since I had chicken and waffles.

I got my table for one and ordered my staple fried okra to start... I gave it an 7/10 (nothing beats Church's chicken fried okra).  As I munched away my eyes saw the most beautiful menu item I've ever seen.... SWEET POTATO WAFFLES!!!  I have no idea how they are made but they were amazingly deliciously scrum-diddly-umptious.... I gotta keep it real now... cause from a 1-10 they were a certified 20 (all my Usher fans know where I got that from).  Topped off with two wings and I was in heaven.

As I began to fall into a syrup-induced food coma (or the itis as we like to call it) the check came.  I regained consciousness and reach for my wallet to pay, but my pocket was empty.  I didn't have anything in my pocket but my motorcycle keys, and my IPhone.  I'm not sure if I was glad that I wasn't out on a date or not.  Then I could at least have been like.... "I'll get the next one!"  So after I have called everyone that could possibly bring me my wallet and the server was starting to get impatient with me just sitting there, I had to try and smile and flirt my way out of this one.

"Um... you're not going to believe this, but I left my wallet at home, do you think I can run home and get it?"  <smile><lip bite><wince><smile>

"Child please, you better get back there and bust some suds!" THAT WAS WHAT I WAS SCARED SHE MIGHT SAY, but she actually let me go home and leave my IPhone as collateral.

So of course I hopped on my bike, drove back home, grabbed my wallet, paid, left a fat tip, and went to get my Sportin' Waves. 

Just another day in my life.  So here's the mix for my Weekend @ Gussies.

An update on the knee will follow soon.

I truly apologize for the delay in posting a new message.  July has been a truly challenging month for me.  Several weddings, trips out of town, a move (still in San Francisco), a performance review at work, and a some emotional highs and lows to top things off. I've survived the rugged month of July feeling somewhat cheated because much of my summer has been spent with a tremendous amount of anxiety and I haven't had much time to relax.

I was invited to seven weddings for the months of June and July.  Though it seems like such a great symbol of my popularity, it's more just random luck that everyone that I knew would choose to get married, and only two sets of the couples chose dates that caused a conflict for me.  So five weddings later (three where I was in charge of the music), I have to say that my enthusiasm for nuptials has gone down the tube.  I'm very happy that many of my friends have gotten married, but if I hear Canon in D one more time, I might really lose it.

No disrespect to my friends, but I'm gonna be extra mad if any of these marriages don't work out.  I almost killed myself getting to all of them and putting together music.  I will kindly ask for a refund on my gift.  :-)

Which brings me to a segment that I saw on CNN's "Black In America 2" last week.  There were definitely some startling statistics about the scarce prevalence of black marriages.  The most interesting part was an expose on a couple who was struggling with their marriage.  They had entered a form of marital counseling and one of the exercises was to pick a song that described how they felt about one another.  The woman picked "Rock Me Tonight" by Freddie Jackson (link below for all of my folks who don't know about this R&B classic... don't be ashamed... just listen).

So of course the husband picks the ridiculously sophomoric H-Town "Knockin Boots" as the song that makes him think about his wife (Once again, all y'all that need to learn, see below).

Well at least they enjoyed sleeping with one another, if nothing else.

So the dj in me started to think... "What songs would I want to remind me of my wife-to-be?"  I came up with a lil mix that I think would play for my future wife. She's out there somewhere, and probably dating some other guy right now :-(.  So here's the Mrs. Pitts Mix.  These songs make me really think about someone that I would want to be with emotionally, spiritually, and physically.  ENJOY!

Some people love them, and some people hate them, but my Nike Air Force One Olympic Edition shoes have been my favorite pair of sneakers over the last two years.  I've worn these shoes to just about every DJ gig that I've had and I like to say they help me find "balance" on the 1s & 2s.  After two years I figured I'd try to cop a new pair and keep them in the box until I had run my first pair into the ground.  After searching all over the internet I finally found a spot called kickspro.com which had a pair to sell and I placed my order.  Simple right???

So on April 15th of 2009 I placed my order.  It was kinda therapeutic as I was just about to make my return to office life after my knee surgery.  After being locked down in the house for nearly a month I was happy to be getting a fresh pair of my favorite shoes.  After a week went by and I didn't receive any notification about my order I inquired to customer service and was notified that they didn't actually have the sneakers, but I could get any shoe in their catalog and not have to pay the difference.

At this point I'm a little bothered, but I figured I could find some dope shoes online, upgrade, and still walk away with a smile.  Instead of Air Force Ones, I ended up ordering a pair of Nike Dunks (very appropriate since I have this goal to dunk again).  So I change my order.  Simple right???

Well three weeks go by and after numerous emails to customer service, my shoes (pictured below) finally arrive.

Pretty sweet, right?  A little funky.  Kinda like the mullet of tennis shoes (serious in the front with party in the back).  The only problem is...

THESE ARE NOT THE SHOES I ORDERED!!!

Maybe I could have just accepted the ones that I got, since I thought they were actually kinda cool.  Of course they were an size 8.5, which I wore in the eighth grade.  I ordered the Nike Dunk Low Pigeons in a size 12.  Now I know you're like who names a shoe after a pest of a bird and why the hell did you buy them?  But I fell in love with these sneaks as soon as I saw them (pictured below).  They are colored just like a pigeon with the gray and white-hinted feathers, and orange feet.

Now this was no ordinary shoe purchase.  The Air Force One is a signature Michigander shoe.  A pair of cripsy One's is a signal of my roots back at home and the extreme care that I take to make sure my shoe game does not suck.  I saw these shoes not only as a switch from Air Force Ones to Dunks, but a transition from a Michigander to a Californian.  You see, this year I finally ditched my Michigan license for a California issue.  I also finally registered my car in California...but I still say pop instead of soda, and swear to never use the word HELLA.  The shoes are San Francisco Giants colors and not getting them seemed like a sign that I was not supposed to be here (I know... I'm reaching).

So for about two months I repeatedly emailed kickspro.com to try and resolve the issue.  Every time I saw a pigeon I got pissed off and swore it was laughing at me.  I hate the damn birds already but I definitely noticed them a lot more after the shoe debacle.  To my surprise, I finally received my shoes in the mail yesterday, 2.5 months after my order.

I love my new kicks.  I'm adding them to my current collection of sneakers that all have special significance.

From top to bottom - These green/gray/white Nike Air Max I bought in 1998 and still managed to keep relatively clean.

The white/white Air Force Ones are a staple of Michigan flavor.  If you are from Michigan and don't have a pair of these you might actually be from the Upper Peninsula.

The Air Force One Olympic Edition are my DJing shoes and I will wear them untl the soles wear down.  They've been described as hipster in the front, conscious in the back.  I'm still on the hunt for a fresh new pair.

The white/black Air Jordan XI are the shoes I wore for my senior season of basketbal in high school when we won the state championship. They are my favorite pair of Jordans to date.

Ladies love stilettos, strappy open-toed sandals, and boots.  I love a fresh pair of Ones, J's, and now I'm up on Dunks.  The following would probably be a clear representation of how I reacted when my shoes finally arrived.

So here's my Nu Shooz Mix all about footwear.  Fellas, keep your kicks clean, cause when ladies look you up and down, they start and end at your shoes.  A jacked up pair of kicks can kill any vibe that you're putting out.

This week I attended my first baseball game of this season and it couldn't have come at a better time.  Basketball season is over, football season is oh so far away, and hockey...well I really don't give a stick about hockey.  Though the home team lost, the game was exciting with like five homeruns and a total of 15 runs scored.

Though I enjoyed watching the live ball game, I was perplexed by a question that was posed to me in the middle of the game.

"If you were out there, what music would be playing when you come up to bat?"

I'm assuming the players get to choose the music that plays while they walk up to the plate.  I was really impressed with the selections by Randy Wynn, pictured to the right (who is my favorite Giant because I've had the pleasure of meeting him... super down to earth cat).  I can't even remember what songs he had chosen, but everytime he came up to bat, I seemed to not be paying too much attention to the game.  All of a sudden my head would start nodding like.."Okaaay!!!"  That was every time that Wynn came up to bat (he also had some good hits to go along with his music selections).

But when asked the question I was stumped.  I didn't want to go too obvious with Nelly's - Batter Up, Dire Straits - Walk of Life, or John Fogerty's - Centerfield.  I've actually thought about this question before and for some reason couldn't come up with an answer.  So here I am, a day later with a full mix dedicated to my last at bat.  Of course you don't get this much time from on-deck circle to the batter's box, but let's just pretend I did.

Think of the song titles in their context to the game of baseball.  They've been carefully selected to be subtle but relevant...(that is, if you're a true baseball aficionado).  Oh.. and there's a funny story that goes with this baseball game that I might be able to reveal at a later date.  ;-)

Batter Up Mix

Where do I start on this one?

Ever since the first time we had roll call in class, I've had the pleasure of correcting someone on how to pronouce my name.  Even as a young child I couldn't understand what was hard about pronouncing DeRonnie correctly.  LOOK AT IT.  It's not Deroni like macaroni.  It's Ronnie (which seems to be easily pronounced) with De in front of it.  Most people err on the side of prounoucing a noun followed by two consonants with a soft sound.

Knowing that this would be and issue when I went to college I listed my preferred name as D. Pitts, which is what everyone called me in high school.  First Initial...Last Name....EASY RIGHT?  So when we get the freshman facebook I have my picture in there with my official name listed as Dee Pitts.  Dee?  Dee?  Like the little sister from What's Happening?

So you think I would have learned my lesson when I came back to Stanford for B-School.  This time I was gearing up for admit weekend and I told them that my preferred name was D.P., which had become what most of my friends call me.  EASY RIGHT? It's my initials.  Of course the Stanford GSB would get it right... Wrong!  I get my nametag and it reads D.P. Pitts.  What sense does that make?  My middle name starts with an L.  I mean, that just sounds like I'm stuttering trying to say my own name.

Well let me tell you that the corporate world didn't do any better.  I went nine months at my corporate finance job with Prudential getting check stubs that read "De R. Pitts (like Ronnie is my middle name).  I'm just gonna pull a Chad Johnson and change my name to Dos (my college jersey number).

It's hard not having a common name (unless you're famous for something).  I didn't even realize that my name was that uncommon until I got to Stanford.  Of course there are way more Matts, Johns, & Peters, but there are two other DeRonnies from my hometown (population ~70,000).  If you don't believe me... google DeRonnie and see if DeRonnie Turner's name comes up on a Linkedin profile.  There was also a DeRonnie Finch (though I believe he had a different spelling).

So what does DeRonnie mean?

According behindthename.com, Ronnie comes from Ronald, which yields - Scottish form of RAGNVALD, a name introduced to Scotland by Scandinavian settlers and invaders. It became popular outside Scotland during the 20th century.

So I guess it would mean - from Scandinavia????  Maaaaaaaan... just call me D.P.....And when I tell you it's my initials don't ask ... "well what do your initials stand for?" Ummm, the first letters of my name!!!

What about when I have to introduce myself to people?  That's an entire different can of worms.  Most of the time people think I'm saying Jeronni, so I often brave the streets of San Francisco with the shirt pictured below.

That way I don't have to go yell... I can just point to my shirt.  But, most people don't get it until three or four attempts.  So just call me D.P. and not Jeronni, Durante, DeRonimo (yes... someone took it there), Jerome, Damani, DeAndre, or Donnie.... AND NOT Ronnie (why?... cause that's not my name!!).  Either DeRonnie or D.P.

So this mix goes out to anyone who gets their name butchered.  I feel your pain.  It would be easy to just let people call me whatever they want, but I don't let them get away with that.  If you're having trouble explaining your name to someone, just use some of the methods in this mix.  The following tactics are used by the artists in the mix.

1. Yell your name, forcefully

2. Reintroduce yourself

3. Just accept that they won't get it right

4. Use initials followed by a personality trait

5. Explain it's origin

6. Just tell them they're are wrong

COMO TE LLAMAS Mix

If you're ever up at 3:00 am watching television and you see this movie title, just turn your television off and go to bed.  Don't be like me and get drawn into watching this, especially if you regularly visit your dentist.  The plot involves a dentist, played by Corbin Bernsen (who I only can visualize as Roger Dorn from Major League) who has these hallucinations and sees his patients' teeth as way more jacked up than they are.  The result... you go in for a routine cleaning... you come out with teeth looking like dingy piano keys.

Before

After

So of course everytime I go to the dentist, the thought of this movie comes into my head and makes me a little nervous.  I had to go to the dentist for my routine cleaning this week and for some reason, the guy who usually cleans my teeth wasn't there.  In fact, the receptionist wasn't there either... just a woman in a white coat asking me to come on back and get relaxed.  So with 911 on speed dial I sat down in the chair with my thumb hovering over my IPhone (not literally, but I had a planned escape route) and proceeded to get my pearly whites bufffed up.

All went well, I didn't have any cavities, and I managed to make it out of there with all 32 of my teeth (and no pending lawsuits).  My one negative piece of feedback had to do with the following item:

I grind my teeth at night and my dentist has required me to wear this mouth guard when I go to sleep (so I don't flatten my teeth out).  I don't even know why I agreed to have my mouth molded for this thing, knowing that I wouldn't wear it.  It's super annoying, uncomfortable, and most important it's the most unattractive thing ever.

Now you might say... "well you're just sleeping in it, so why does it matter?"  Well, I don't plan on sleeping alone for the rest of my life.  I mean, I actually prefer (I'm assuming most of us do) a steady bedroom companion.  I can't think of anything that would kill the mood more than hearing me say... "baby wait, I need to take out my mouf - peeth."  YEAH... It makes you talk like that.

Someone invent a less intrusive product so I can keep my teeth and not have to sacrifice unplanned play-time.  So I'm going to bed with my night guard locked and loaded tonight, because I remember how I cried (23 years ago) when i got my first and only cavity.  Ever since then I've been a super-brusher.  I even managed to keep my cavity-free streak through five years without a trip to the dentist.  I can't imagine what my reaction would be if I end up wearing my teeth down to the nerves.

With that, I'll leave you with the mix that describes a few of the emotions that go along with going to the dentist.  Brush & Floss Mix

Domestic violence is a horrible act, but it is one instance where the double standard works in a woman's favor. You see, it's never funny when a dude halls off and hits a woman, but if a girl winds up a connects on a dude, it's instantly hilarious. So you might ask why in the world is the the topic today....??? Well, I was trying to check on this up and coming hip hop artist Charles Hamilton, who I've been feeling ever since I first heard the single BROOKLYN GIRLS. Since he doesn't get many spins on the west coast, I often try and search for any new stuff he's put out online. Though the dude has skills, he's been getting bombed over the internet for stealing beats and an incident of domestic violence. But he hasn't put his hands on anyone. He got straight popped in the jaw for getting a little too personal in a rhyme battle. See video below -

I almost swallowed my gum when I was watching this (especially the slow-mo shot). Then I thought back to a time when I too got stole on by and girl and everyone laughed.

I was in the 9th grade and Nadia Martinez (yes I'm putting your name out there) was walking down the aisle in my english class. My elbow grazed against her stomach (she was like 7 months pregnant.... yes in the 9th grade) and she turned and yelled, "M@*#er F@*#ker you hit my stomach!" She cocked back and snuck me with a right cross in my left eye. So what the hell was I supposed to do? Her boyfriend was in the class, she's was a girl, and she was pregnant. So I had to take it like a champ (or chump) and just say the I was sorry. They just sent her to the office, while I had to finish the class pretending not to hear the snickers and the whispers of "DAAAAAAAAMN!"

What makes this story even more interesting is this girl was MY girlfriend the year before all this happened (and NO, the baby was not mine as I wasn't getting down like that in the 8th grade). Later on that year in the same class I got into an situation with another girl who later asked me to the prom. AND I THOUGHT IT WAS LITTLE BOYS WHO TRIED TO FIGHT GIRLS THEY LIKED!!?!!

Anyway, the point is that I feel Charles Hamilton's pain... but that doesn't keep me from laughing at him for getting stole on for running his mouth. Best believe as soon as the bell rang someone ran into the hall and yelled, "Nadia whooped DeRonnie's ass in class, yall!!"

So if you end up in this same situation your best course of action is just to turn the other cheek, call some of your girl cousins, and tell them that if they don't get her back for you that you are gonna tell their mom about those dudes they had over while she was out of town (that's purely hypothetical). If your assailant is preggo like mine was, then you just gotta chalk it up as a loss.

Despite being hit for no reason, I do believe that I learned a valuable lesson that day. Don't think that she won't hit you, just cause you're a dude. Ask John Bobbitt if he doesn't wish he hadn't underestimated his wife (and people laughed at that, didn't they).

Now I'm not saying that it should be funny when dudes go off on women. I'm just saying, ladies... y'all got this one. So to all the ladies that read this... if you ever have the urge to punch a dude, put on this mix and it might put you over the top. PUNCH HIM MIX

If you wan to see the scene video of the scene sampled into the mix, check the video below. See if you can spot Charlie Murphy.

If you haven't seen it, rent Harlem Nights!!!

In an effort to get more out of my day I've elected to start getting into the office early.  I now leave my house at 5:50am and hop on the 6:11am train down to the office (I used to take the 7:14am train).  I know it sounds brutal, but I love getting home at 5:00pm and feeling like I have an entire evening ahead of me.  I've also been able to be super productive at work and really put my head down to get some things done.  Not to mention the trains are less packed during my travel times!!!  After a week of getting used to the early start, I'm able to make it though the day without feeling like I'm about to nod off.

Well of course, it all can't be good.  I can deal with my 9:30 pm bedtime, ironing my clothes the night before work, and even showering at night rather than in the morning.  What I can't deal with is what I saw yesterday morning on my early walk to the train. The image has been burned into my head and haunts me every corner I turn.... Let me set the stage for you.

As I'm turning on Townsend apporaching 2nd street on my way to the Caltrain. I see something weird up ahead near the corner.  It looks like a man hiding behind one of those voltage/power boxes on the street.  See picture below.

So the guy would actually have been looking at the camera from this angle, but hiding behind the green box.  There is actually a great deal of cover around him.  A large building to the right, some bollards and trees to the left, but there isn't anything shielding the rear.  This is the angle that I approached from (see below):

So I'm thinking... it is windy out here... maybe he is just behind this thing to block the wind.  As I got closer I could see that dude was not hiding from the wind.  He was taking a shit on the damn sidewalk!!!!  His bare ass was out and he was copping a squat.  I actually witnessed a grown man defacating (something that I thought I'd never see in my life.... and never wanted to see).  I don't even think I'd want to watch myself drop a load let alone watch someone else do it.

Now part of me wanted to pull out the old trusty IPhone and send a photo straight to Facebook & Twitter, but I figured that would gross everyone out, and I guess the guy deserved a little privacy.  For some strange reason I thought he might get angry and fling some shit my way, so I passed on the photo opportunity.  Nonetheless, he had to know that his stealth shitting scheme had been thwarted, so when I walked by him I looked him in the eye.  This dude had the nerve to look at me like, "WHAT??!!?? You ain't never seen a grown man take a shit on the sidewalk before??" In his defense, he had put a tarp down so he wouldn't get the sidewalk messy.  I guess that's the least he could do.

So I continued on my voyage to the train with my stomach in a knot at this point.  Before I could cross the street, a woman jogged past me in his direction.  I couldn't think of any way to warn her, but I sure was interested in seeing her reaction.  So I turned around and watched as this woman went from a light jog to a full on sprint, looking back over her shoulder as if she had seen a ghost.  PURE COMEDY.

Just as I am, that woman is forever scorned.  Not much else to say on that story except EWWWWW!!!  I swear I couldn't make this stuff up.  I have now shared with you the nastiest thing that I've ever witnessed to this point.  I've seen a dead body... I was on a BART train where a guy threw up all over three other passengers.... I've even seen someone have a compound tib/fib fracture in a football game, and none of those compared to what I saw yesterday morning.  May none of you ever have the misfortune of witnessing that first hand.

So I had to get a bit creative on the mix for this one.  I auditioned a lot of songs for this mix.  Some of the ones that didn't make the cut: Devin the Dude - Boo Boo'n, Snoop - Drop It Like It's Hot, O.D.B. - Dog Shit

Nonetheless, I think the Mierda Mix tells the story very well.  I might have to go back to my regular work schedule if this is the type of stuff i'll be seeing early in the morning.

Sorry to take such a long break from the blog.  As you all know I went back to office life and I had to adjust.  In addition, I had a bunch of gigs where I had to break down my equipment and I was too lazy to set it back up.  I hope I can make it up to you by sending you into the weekend with my return.

So a topic that has been getting a lot of attention lately is fast food fried chicken.  My beloved Chic-Fil-A managed to stay out of the news, but KFC and Popeyes had people wildin' out of late.  It's amazing what a little advertising can do.  BUT WHO WINS THE BATTLE BETWEEN KFC AND POPEYES?? Let's use the following stories to determine the most sought after fast food chicken.

In Minnesota, there was outrage and law enforcement had to be called in when the only Popeye's in Minnesota would not fulfill the nationally advertised $4.99 bucket of chicken special.  See story below:

"That's alright, though... We'll go to KFC!"  Wait a minute.  If you haven't heard KFC ran a special on its new grilled chicken.  So special that Oprah told all of her viewers to download a coupon for a free... YES FREE, Two-piece with two sides and a biscuit.  Oprah shut down KFC as people ran in droves to the chain, milking its chicken supply nationwide.  See story below:

So which fried chicken has the most crazed fans?

Wait for it....

Wait for it......

I have to give it to Popeye's!!  I mean... Oprah could have people lined up ouside of my door waiting for some chicken if she chose to broadcast it.  I think we all knew this anyway because nobody has ever been robbed for the Colonel's 11 herbs and spices.  OH YOU HAVEN'T HEARD???!!??

Well let me point you to Jacksonville, Florida where someone was jacked for some of that good ole' Popeye's.  Story below:

"YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS???!!!??"  How about..."come up offa that two-piece." Or better yet, "I want your wings, breast, thighs, and drumsticks in the bag or I'll shoot!" Or maybe even, "This is a Two-Eleven on your $4.99, fool!"  I know this isn't supposed to be funny, but someone took Biggie a bit too seriously when he rhymed "when it's time to eat a meal, I rob and steal."  Thieves need to have a code of ethics like Omar from The Wire. You don't rob people for their chicken.  That's just plain silly....But then again, it is Popeye's.  I mean... I've intentionally taken American Airlines through DTW instead of ORD (on trips from the West to the East Coast) because there is a Popeye's in the American terminal at DTW.

So to get inside the mind of someone who plots to rob and steal, I came up with the robbery soundtrack comprised of some of my favorite songs about taking other people's stuff.  If I were gonna rob someone, this is the music I'd play in the car before doing it.  ;-)

Break Yo'self Mix

Of course this one has explicit lyrics.  Otherwise, it would be ASKING them for their stuff.

As of today I've end my extended "work from home after knee surgery" period.  No more funny knee-bending machines to hook up to for 6hrs/day.  All I have now is 2x/week of physical therapy, and a will to dunk a basketball to get me well.  i'd have to say that I'm more freaked out about how I will fair during my first week back in the office more than anything that has to do with my knee.  I try and get to work at 8am or 9am (depending on which train I catch in the morning).  To achieve this I need to wake up about 2 hours before my intended arrival in the office.  For the past 6 weeks if I wanted to start work at 9am I could wake up at 8:55am (just enough time to freshen up, strap into the machine, and open my laptop).

Working from home for a little over a month has convinced me that it's better to work virtually.  Offices are soooo 1990's (especially when the majority of your job is done through email and phone communication).  Why not lease out that office space to some other company that hasn't figured it out yet?  Of course there are times when you need to be face to face with your colleagues, but let's reserve a conference room, meet, and go back home (or better yet, I'll see you at Starbucks).

Since I mentioned Starbucks, I have to figure out how to fight my extreme fatigue this week.  i don't want to be one of these folks:

Which brings me to one of my best "being tired at work" stories ever.  The summer before my freshman year at Stanford, I got a job working at Dow Chemical Plant in Midland, MI.  My job was to label pipes in this enormous plant.  I would put stickers labeled "Hot Water--> or Nitrogen -->" on a pipe and follow it throughout the entire buliding from source to desitination, labeling along the way.  I made a whopping $400/week doing this (which at one point I thought... why should I go to college when i can make this money right now? - I know... I know... ).  This job was EXTRA BORING.  I mean it was fun for about 20 minutes and then i would get bored and tired.  So since there were only two of us in the entire plant, and my job was about as important as refilling the coffee pot, I would go into the bathroom and take naps.  I'd basically sit on the toilet with my coveralls down on the floor, perch my head on my hands with my elbows on my knees and simply fall asleep.

I KNOW THIS IS BAD, BUT IT WAS LIKE 13 YEARS AGO, AND I'M DEFINITELY ASHAMED OF THIS STORY!!

One of these days i actually fell asleep for 90 minutes!!!  I woke up, looked at my watch and couldn't believe that I had taken an official full-blown nap sitting on a toilet.  Feeling fully refreshed, I went to get back to line labeling and fell on the floor as I tried to get up.  My legs had fallen asleep and I was forced to do a dead-man's crawl around the bathroom (Imagine how Rick James' legs felt after Charlie and Eddie Murphy beat on his legs for stomping their couch).  Of course this would be the one time that the other guy who worked in the concert arena-sized plant would choose to come into the bathroom.  His words..."Stanford, huh?!?"

VERY EMBARRASSING!!

So I got to Stanford and Dr. Dement taught me that drowsiness is RED ALERT!!! Anyone who has taken Sleep & Dreams at Stanford knows what I'm talking about.

My biggest foe this week will once again be fatigue.  If I've been in the bathroom too long, someone come and check on me (yeah... maybe I should not be allowed to work at home).  This mix is just to say that I'm back.  Back 2 The Office Mix

Please excuse the picture, but my boy sent me this with the following message:

In conjunction with recent warnings about contracting and transmitting swine flu, it is recommended that the following activity(ies) be avoided:

I'm not sure how this thing got started, but swine flu mania is sweeping the nation.  Pretty soon they will be selling t-shirts of this guy (follow I Am The Swine Flu on twitter at http://twitter.com/IAmTheSwineFlu) big ups to dcbanks for putting me up on this:

The fact of the matter is, people are getting sick and this year we're blaming it on pigs.  A couple years ago we picked on birds when the Avian flu was the big craze.  Flash back a couple years before that and we were putting it off on cows.  Hmmm see a pattern developing? Pork, Poultry, Beef.... what's left???

I'm predicting that in 2011, we'll witness the fish flu pandemic.  NO SWIMING IN NATURAL BODIES OF WATER!!!  Now I'm no animal specialist (I've never even owned a dog), but humans blaming things that can't stick up for themselves just doesn't seem fair to me.  It's the classic "dog ate my homework" excuse.   I'm betting that somewhere down the line, some human did something that caused all of this.  Ever think that these animals got together and devised a plan to get us back for injecting them with hormones and keeping them cooped up?

Maybe they decided to stop hating on one another...

And banded together to get us all back...

Just a theory ;-)

This is a word to all animals.... DJ 2degrees has never hurt any edible animals that weren't already dead.  I should get animal flu immunity.  So this mix is a compilation of some great songs that deflect blame.  Let's be a little more accountable.  BLAME GAME Mix - (No animals were harmed during the making of this mix).

Spring is here in full effect.  The weather is turning around, we lost an hour of sleep, and flowers are starting to bloom.  So what's a guy with a bum knee to do?

HAVE A GREAT TIME!!!

So this past weekend went down in the archives as one of the better ones.  I really feel like my knee is coming along great.  I'm 5 1/2 weeks post op and I am hoping to get back to my normal life at the beginnig of next week.  I did a little dancing on Friday night, had some early Saturday hydrotherapy in the pool, and got to catch up with an old friend on Sunday.  Just an overall good time.

So I believe I'm ready to reinsert myself back into the world.  I've been working from home and sitting in the same chair for almost 40 days.  I actually had someone describe me using the following words - "he's a nice guy, but everytime I go over there, he's sitting in the exact same spot."  So sad, but true.

I'm now committed to getting out of my favorite chair every now and then (even though I've worked a nice permanent butt print in the cushion).  Time for this little dormant flower to bloom and hopefully some birds and bees will notice ;-).  Check this old school Biz Markie joint that sums up how I feel about spring.

If you ever see me spinning records in a jacket like that, you have my permission to walk up to the DJ booth and give me a open-handed slap in the mouth.  So here is my Birds & Bees Mix.  You know they say that spring is supposed to be the time to fall in love.

Nothing sums up the end of the work week better than T.G.I.F.  The beginning of the weekend usually pops off with a happy hour, dinner & drinks, and maybe a party or two.  Lately, it hasn't been that way for me.  I had surgery on my knee four Fridays ago, and have pretty much been confined to my apartment ever since.  Fridays went by and I wasn't excited at all.  When you're not working Friday just means that your communications through g-chat with your friends are on hold until Monday.  This Friday is going to be different.  I'm planning on venturing out of my apartment into the outside world.  I might even have some fun. :-)

So I'm popping off my first Friday in the outside world with a fresh haircut from MR. (I gotta make sure I'm fresh on my first weekend out), a couple of drinks, and we'll see what happens.  Hopefully, I can gain some sympathy points for my jacked up leg and people won't assume my walk is a drunken stupor or a lame pimp walk.  The good news is the weather is supposed to be great this weekend.

Looks like I'll be chillin out in the park on Sunday afternoon (one of my favorite San Francisco activities).  Or I could move this dumb knee machine (see below) out to the patio and enjoy my rehab in the sun.

Regardless of the outcome, the fact that I feel comfortable enough to leave the house is a good sign in my recovery.

So this mix is a musical representation of a weekend.  Please note that I did not say "MY" weekend.  All depictions of weekend activity in the mix are purely fictional and do not represent the ideals and views of the DJ.  Now that you really want to listen to it... here's the Weekend Mix.

Anything can happen on the weekend ;-)

This picture graced every kids American History text book growing up so I thought it might be fitting for today's posting.  For those of you who skipped class and don't know what the picture depicts, it's the Boston Tea Party. See this country was built on people complaing about their taxes (if Caliornia had been around back then you can bet there would be some angry environmentalists protesting the pollution caused by tossing all of that tea in the harbor).  There is no day that brings us back to our nations roots than tax day (well maybe independence day).  People running around like the world is about to end, grabbing receipts, filling out forms, and running to the post office.

For this very reason I do my taxes in January and usually have my refund by the Super Bowl.  I don't expect everyone to be as early as me, but I truly believe that there's no need to wait until the last minute.  I recently caught the movie Sixteen Candles (which I would rename the adventures of Long Duck Dong) on HBO.  If you're not up on it (not sure I understand how you wouldn't be), the story is about a girl whose entire family forgets her 16th birthday.  Insert the rest of the typical 80's movie plots (not-so popular girl likes popular guy who shuns the popular people to be with not-so popular girl), add Long Duck Dong, and you have an instant classic.  The point is... that I bet a lot of young girls who were either born on April 14th or 15th have experienced this very thing.  How sad??

Don't let Uncle Sam steal a nice and sunny spring day from you.  Get that stuff done in the winter.

Keeping with the theme of the blog, I put together the soundtrack of your taxes.  The 1040EZ Mix is comprised of songs that could express what your tax return (or lack thereof) could be saying to you.

Please America... don't become fans of Crown Royal.  Why would I make this request?  It's because I recognize that I have a tendency to get annoyed when things that I like hit the mainstream.  I'm not saying that I'm a trendsetter, but I can count numerous things that I've taken pleasure in way before the point when it became the cool thing to like.  Then once everybody was up on it, I wasn't feeling it as much.

For example -

Jessica Alba - I was talking about Jessica Alba like 10 years ago!!!  Back in 2000 when Dark Angel first came out I was a die hard fan and I watched Idle Hands (possibly the worst movie ever made) at least five times because of her.  I used to tell people all the time..."yo, Jessica Alba is the truth!"  In my world there was sliced bread, the wheel, and Jessica Alba.  Now I get mad when someone tries to tell me how hot she is. I TOLD YOU THAT A LONG TIME AGO!!!

Outkast - I get so mad when I'm djing and someone comes up to me and requests "THE POLAROID SONG" aka "Hey Ya" from Andre 3000's "The Love Below."  I have every Outkast album since they first dropped and have been a big fan of the duo since they hit the charts with a Christmas song called "Player's Ball" in 1993.  I like Outkast but many folks like them because of "Hey Ya" and that really burns me up, because in my opinion that is one of the worst songs they've ever made.

Air Force 1's - DAMN YOU NELLY!!! We were rocking Air 1's in Michigan way before you made that song.  Now I have to pay $80 for a shoe that used to cost $65.  I can remember telling someone that I was from Michigan and they asked me..."where are your Air 1's then?"  I keep a fresh pair of white on whites and get a lot of compliments on my olympic Air 1's.  Luckily Nelly isn't that popular right now, so I can still rock my Air 1's without being lumped in with the fareweather Air 1 aficianodos. I almost switched to buying Dunks.

Sorry to go off on that tangent, but recently I've seen a bunch of Crown Royal commercials on television and I'm hoping that it doesn't catch on because it is my favorite drink and I'm afraid that I won't like it if it becomes as popular as Grey Goose did (way overpriced but has a cool bottle).  So I'm gonna need rappers to never reference Crown in any of their rhymes so I can continue to get it at an affordable price.  Just the other day I went to Safeway and 750 mL bottles were $16.  Of course I bought two of them, because you can never have too much of a good thing..... right?

I can't even remember how I came to like Crown Royal.  Maybe it's because I'm from Michigan and that's about as close to being Canadian as you can be.  Maybe it's because as a child I kept my marbles in a Crown Royal bag.  But what is there not to love?  You get a nice whiskey at a reasonable price, and a free bag to keep all of your change and other knick knacks.  I currently have a Crown Royal bag filled with at least $25 in spare change, another filled with things that I use when I dj (magic eraser, brush for my needles, swiffer sheet to clean my records), and another that holds laptop cleaning supplies.  I mean... what other liquor comes with a handy accessory?

Since I had given up drinking for Lent, I planned to enjoy the end of the fast with a celebratory Crown Royal on the rocks (just like I like it).  I went out and had sushi (my first drink was actually a beer) and then I came home and settled in with my Crown.  It's a good thing I was at home because it went straight to my head and I began to write this posting.  I immediately followed that by going to the turntables and recorded the Crown Roayal Mix.  This might be the most eclectic mix I've ever done.  It has a little something for everyone.  Enjoy my ode to Canada's greatest import.

So I'm going to open myself up to a lot of scrutiny on this one, but I've never been one to take myself too seriously, so here it goes.

So I was watching Oprah the other day (I TiVo Oprah daily... yes... ME.... DeRonnie) and there was the most interesting topic.  The description of ths show read - "Sex: women reveal what they really want" Talk Show (2009) Dr. Laura Berman discusses the latest science behind sex appeal. (HD, CC, R)

This was definitely a Jerry McGuire "you had me at hello" topic so I parked myself on the couch and got ready to be enlightened.  So what did I learn???

I learned that a lot of the rules of attraction are out of my control.  According to the studies, there are very subtle and sometimes unnoticable things that drive our attraction to one another.  I thought this show was soooo interesting and I could write about it all day, but I'm going to focus on what the show outlined as attractive male traits and see how I stack up.

1. Smell - An experiment was run where women smelled the sweaty t-shirts of men, and rated them on how sexy or unsexy the smell was.  I know you're thinking..."how can a sweaty t-shirt smell sexy?"  The science behind this is that men's immune systems are what allow different types of bacteria to live on the surface of their bodies.  The stronger the immune system, the less bacteria, the more desireable the smell.  Women chose the shirts with the less pungent smells as more sexy which was deemed as an innate indicator of them seeking a partner with a strong immune system for evolutionary purposes (better chance of their offspring surviving).

Self rating - I hardly ever get sick (average about once every three years even getting a cold) and have been told that I smell very good.  Score one for the DJ!!! 10/10

2.  Features - Tall men with a more full jaw, broad shoulders, and symmetrical faces score big points with the ladies.  Men's pictures were digitally altered to make them more feminine (thining the eyebrows and the jaw) and women picked their more masculine repesentations more often, especially during ovulation (I bet that's a word you never thought would see on this blog).

Self rating - Average height, some facial assymetry, I definitely don't look like a girl, and I been working out like a champ.  6.5/10

3. Status - Keeping with the idea that women look for a mate that will best ensure the viability of their offspring, status was seen as even more dominant than physical attractiveness.  A guy was rated a 9/10 when women looked at his picture, but throw in a whopping $23,000 salary as a retail clerk and he was rated as low as a 4/10 and no higher than a 6/10.  The guy who was rated a 4/10 with just his picture ended up as high as 10/10 when you throw in his $400,000 salary as a music executive.  Hmmm I ain't saying yall some gold diggers, but yall ain't messin with no broke... broke... oooOOOHH!  Like Tony Montana said, "first you get the money, then you get the power, then you get the women!"  Science is proving him right.

Self rating - Stanford undergrad, Stanford MBA lean toward a 10/10.  Non-profit career, load of school debt, a roommate, and a "jeans and t-shirts" attitude look more like a 3/10.  Average of the two - 6.5/10

So if I take that in isolation, then it really doesn't matter what I say to a girl, right?  Just smell good, wear a couple extra pair of socks and my Timbos, and rent a ferrari for the evening and I should be in there!

Not quite.  You actually have to say something clever.  This something clever is "the holla".  If I were to rate myself on how well I holla at women I would sadly give myself a 2/10.  I need a real life Hitch to put me through a training course.  Or maybe I can hire a skilled field technician.

The only time I've ever stopped a girl and executed a successful holla was my junior year of high school.  I was taking the ACT and during my break I stopped this girl who I had been admiring for weeks.  We chatted for a little and I got her number only to find that her boyfriend sat next to me in Pre-Calculus (scandalous).  He was kind of a pretty-boy (imagine Prince at age 17).  Maybe she was thinking about the survival of her offspring and not even listening to what I was saying.  So until I get my game tight I will continue to rely on science.

So this mix is comprised of songs about "the holla".  The songs definitely show of the swagger of the artists. The Holla Mix

That's the money I could be saving by not having a car.

I've already saved money from not drinking and from cooking at home during my knee recovery.  Now I'm getting rid of the whip.

For the first time since I was 14 (yes I started driving that young) I am planning on not having a car.  I'm moving to a new building May 1 (in SF) where parking is $300/month (my current building charges $175 and they let me park my motocycle for free).  I know that may be a shock to some of you in Michigan (my homestate) who might pay $300/month for rent, but that's how inflated things are out here.  Luckily my rent will be $300/month cheaper at the new place and since I'll only have to pay to park my motorcylce ($100/month), I should come out on top.  I know that was confusing, so here's what it looks like.

Monthly savings:

Rent - $300

Car Insurance - $100

Parking (only pay for motorcycle) - $75

Total: $475

SO WHAT IF I WANT/NEED TO DRIVE?

I just signed up for Zip Car which I think is amazing.  I pay $8/hour or $60/day (with Stanford Employee Discount) to drive when I need to drive and I don't have to pay for gas or for car insurance.  WOO HOO!!!  I actually walk or cab to most of my gigs in SF so it should work out.  The only limitation is that I've probably made it so I can only date a woman with a car (more on the subject of dating in the next posting).

Just one year ago, I would have never thought I could make it without a car.  I was the type of guy who would drive to the end of the driveway to get the mail.  Despite the change in attitude, I have loved each and every one of the cars I've ever had.  I started out with an '86 Grand Am, to a '92 Camaro, and now I'm parting with my 2000 Montero Sport.

Owning (or having the availability of) a car and being able to drive was the ultimate statement of independence in high school as well as college.  Now it's more of a liability in the city with parking tickets, garage fees, and drivers who parallel park by banging themselves into a spot.  So we'll see how well I do without my ride (if I'm able to sell it).  This mix is a compilation of a few car/driving songs.  Goodbye Car Mix

So today is my birthday.  I'm officially 31 years-old.  if you think that's old, listen this ("31 Years-Young" Quick Mix).  I'm excited to have a very chill weekend with no celebrations (which is weird to some folks).  Since I have a huge knee brace on and have given up drinking until Easter, I'm not feeling the public celebration.  I just want to have a day where I do EXACTLY what I want to do.  That may be sitting on the couch.  That may be going out and eating some Burma Superstar, Sushi, or In & Out... not sure yet.

I do know what my birthday won't be like.  It won't be like my 28th birthday when I spent way too much money at Impala.  We got hooked up with the plush VIP area and everytime we finished a bottle the hot hostess would look all sad and say...."oooooh you guys need another bottle?"  Not wanting to seem cheap in front of this very enchanting woman, I had her bring another.... and another.... I think I just paid it off last week.

It also won't be like my 21st birthday when I actually ended the day in tears.  Hears why 21 was so bad:

• First it was on a Monday, and I only appreciate Mondays in the fall when i'm lounged with a cold one watching Monday Night Football.
• It was the first day of spring football practice, so I was sore and I wasn't about to drink and attempt to run 100 routes the next day.
• I had a statistics quiz the next day at 9am so I couldn't really hang out.
• I got treated to dinner at Olive Garden (Italian is my least favorite food).  They brought out a surprise chocolate cake with a candle in it (I don't like chocolate cake or surprises at all).

It won't be like my 20th where I drank waaaay too much (Sorry Mom & Dad, I started a year early).  I don't remember how I got home from that reggae party.  I do remember waking up in my room with my clothes completely changed and two girls laughing at me.  To this day I'm very nervous about remembering that night.

Last but not least it will not be like my 5th birthday.  This is the first birthday that I can actually remember.  Now I've been to a bunch of kids' birthday parties since many of my friends have little ones.  They shed a lot of light on my first memory of a birthday.  You see when I'm at my friends' kids' parties we drink, eat, and make the kids do silly stuff so we can laugh.  It ends up being a party for the adults and the kids are just there. Now I'm not saying that I felt neglected at my 5th birthday party, but I definitely was the butt of a very cruel joke.

For some reason my mom thought it would be hilarious to get me those candles that don't blow out.  I don't think I've ever been so frustrated.  I huffed and puffed like the big bad wolf and the candles just kept lighting back up.  I have seen the picture from this birthday party and it is sooooo funny (I'll have to get it scanned).  Just imagine a little DP, jheri curl intact, with a look on his face like "WTF is wrong with these candles?  I mean... I'm trying to get my wish on and these candles are messing everything up."

That is the only thing I remember from the party, but if it went down anything like the kids' parties I go to now, there was an ensuing adult party.  So this mix is the soundtrack from my 5th birthday party.  The Funky Fifth Party Mix with some funk classics that I know my folks would have listened to when I was a young boy.

I'll leave with you with my top three who have celebrated April 5th with me.  Happy B-Day Booker T-Dub, C-Pizzle , & Skateboard P.

Here's a comparison shot of my two knees (yikes)!  Not only does my rt knee (pictured on the left) feel 30 years older than my other knee... it looks 30 years older as well.  At least it isn't as bad as the first time I had my ACL totally reconstructed.  As you can see, I have some swelling (hard to tell where my kneecap ends and my thigh begins) but the doctor and the physical therapist tell me that I'm doing a lot better than expected.  I've been to two physical therapy sessions and I'm enjoying the challenge of getting my knee back to normal.  I think it's the push I need to get myself to the ultimate goal of dunking again.  The trainer asked me if I had any goals for my rehab.  When I told him that I wanted to dunk again, he didn't exactly look too confident in my prospects.

As many times as I've injured different body parts (rt. knee, both ankes, left wrist, numerous hamstring tears, etc) there has been one constant heal-all remedy...ICE.  They tell you to put ice on anything if it's not feeling normal.  The worst was when I pulled my groin.  The boys weren't too happy with the cold treatment for that one.  It's like ICE is the new Tussin.  If you don't know the wonderful healing powers of Robitussin, you need to peep the video below.

I spend most of my day with a cold compress on my knee and I have no idea why.  I just know that you can't go wrong putting ice on an injury ('m sure someone knows a circumstance where you wouldn't apply ice).  So of course, being the nerd that I am, I looked it up and found the following about ICE.

• Slows the inflammation and swelling that occurs after injury.
• Helps to relieve the pain by numbing sore tissues (like a local anesthetic).
• Slows the nerve impulses in the area, which interrupts the pain-spasm reaction between the nerves.

I guess I'll keep applying the cold stuff.  So this mix is a reminder to keep the ice on my knee.  ICE Mix

I like to think of myself as a mild-mannered, easy-going, and humble guy (how do you brag about being humble... I know).  I've even had a co-worker tell me that she couldn't believe that someone would say bad things about me because I'm so nice (Thanks Jean!!!).  Most people that I've met over the last five years have not had the honor of meeting my bad side. I know… I know… it’s hard to believe that under this kind, gentle exterior there is a cocky, arrogant bully…

The Incredible Hulk to my David Banner…

The Buddy Love to my Professor Klump…

The Stripe to my Gizmo...

But it exists.  One might ask, “what are the things that make this side show?” Here are two that you should watch out for.

#1 Competitive Sports -

I can enjoy a friendly game of sports, but 9/10 that means I won’t be winning. In order for me to win, I have to look at the person defending me and want to embarrass him (or her…all’s fair in love and basketball). I mean making him look so bad that even his mother wouldn’t be able to comfort him with a clear conscience. When I really want to compete I talk trash and show no mercy to weak opponents.  One of my less proud moments involved me mocking a guy who was guarding me after we lost a game and telling him, “your team won, but you lost against me!” I once received a warning from a referee during a charity basketball tournament for telling the other team that they needed to go back to LA and find someone that could guard me. If I was in the movie The Karate Kid, I would have been the token black guy in the Cobra Kai dojo. NO… it’s not roid-rage, I can just get a little too competitive.

This is why I refrain from playing competitive sports around my co-workers.

#2 Heavy Drinking -

I’m definitely one of those dudes that thinks he’s way finer than he is once he has had a few drinks (it took a lot for me to admit that). It usually looks something like this:

In a drunken narcissistic state, my normal coy acting routine goes out the window and the liquid courage takes over. There are only a few people who have actually seen me in this rare state. I tend to save this for trips out of the country and Vegas. No… I’m not an alcoholic, but I’ll drink one under the table if they wanna make it a competitive sport.

This is why I drink in moderation.

So this mix is a collection of songs that express how I feel when I playing competitive sports or when I’ve had one too many.

Confident v. Cocky Mix_

“Say hello to the bad guy” – Tony Montana

Those in the know, understand that it never went anywhere, but for the rest of America the interest in b-boying or break dancing has returned.  A previous attempt to commercialize the art failed in the early 80's when the movies Wildstyle, Beat Street, and (my personal favorite) Breakin' failed to hit the mainstream.  Today the art is still very underground but shows like MTV's ABDC are proving that America loves b-boying (the first three champions have all been traditional b-boy groups).  These cats are making big time money touring and promoting products by popping and locking (it's about time).

I can remember spinning on my back on my dad's kitchen floor and dancing on the blacktop on top of a cardboard box during lunchtime back in grade school.  I wised up really fast and decided that sports was a better route for me.

VS.

So I am no longer a professional football player and never was able to reach Ozone and Turbo fame, but I can still catch and I still do a mean robot.  After I dunk again I plan to break it out.

So this posting (as short as it is) is another example of the differences in my 80's and the rest of my classmates'.  When you have kids make sure to play catch with them and also teach them how to pop and lock.  When they have problems with a bully, have your kids challenge them to a dance-off.  When your teenagers won't listen to you, show up at their school and battle them at lunchtime over whether or not they can borrow the car.  It could be a great alternative approach to parenting.  It will look a little something like this:

OR THIS....

So the following mix is a compilation of breakdance music that I put together so you can practice in the privacy of your own home.  Breakin Mix

I also want to give a special shout out to my boy J-Dub who swears he was not in the original cast of Breakin'... you make the call (pictures below).

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